Truth and Acceptance
by LoneButterfly05
Summary: Epiphanies abound as both Buffy and Angel discover some inner truths as well as their way back to each other. Breaks off from canon in mid S7/S4. B/A. Minor scooby bashing. Rated M for language, etc.  Continued from LadyVader66 story.
1. The Truth Hurts

Summary: Epiphanies abound as both Buffy and Angel discover some inner truths as well as their way back to each other.

Rating: Pg-13/T . for now

Author's Note: This is the first fanfic that I've been really serious about writing. I've had this idea floating around in my head forever and I've finally decided to sit down and write it. It breaks off from canon in roughly mid season 7 of BtVS and mid season 4 of Ats. I am probably playing with the timeline a little bit but its my story so suck it up. Angel has just fought the Beast and Buffy is rallying against the First.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to the evil Joss.

Angel didn't know what to do. His life was in shambles and he didn't have the foggiest idea of how to fix it. He had just had his ass handed to him by a giant horned rock and then had to witness the woman he was supposedly in love with rutting with his son.

Angel laughed derisively to himself as he trudged through the underground of LA. His life was a fucking joke. Some champion he was. Everything was falling apart around him and all he wanted to do was to crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there. He wanted to wake up and have the last couple weeks, hell the last couple years, be a dream. He was so tired of it all, all he wanted was to have something he could really believe in. He had come to the realization that somewhere along the way he had lost the mission and in doing so, himself.

Looking back on his time in LA Angel could recognize his slow descent for what it was, a descent. He had had such a sense of purpose when he had arrived here. He had wanted to make something of himself, be better than what he was. He wanted to make her proud. Her... Buffy. She was the reason he came to this city, because he left her, because this city was the farthest he could force himself to be from her.

He hadn't thought about Buffy in months, it was too hard to think about her, too confusing. Add to that that for the last few months he had actually believed himself to be in love with his seer and that he had felt guilty about thinking about Buffy when he was supposed to be thinking about Cordy. What a joke! The whole idea was ridiculous! Feeling guilty over thinking about his own soul mate. That is exactly what Buffy was, his soul mate. Screw kyrumption, what the heck was that anyway? Buffy could never have done what Cordelia had just done. To sleep with his son was the ultimate betrayal and it just served to prove that Cordelia's feelings for him, whatever they were, were negligible.

Without conscious thought angel found himself back at the Hyperion. Looking in through the glass doors from the garden, he could see the others scurrying around patching wounds and cleaning weapons. While Angel was glad to see that they had all made it back he had no inclination to go inside and join them. He was coming to realize that the wounds on his soul greatly eclipsed the mess that was his body and none of the people in the lobby could patch them up. There was only one person who could do that. One person who could make him completely forget this mess of a night.

He silently entered the underground garage and got into the belvedere. Navigating his way through the panic stricken, fiery streets was a challenge but before he knew it he was on the highway headed north, headed home.


	2. Wait, we agree?

Two hours later Angel was passing the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. The drive had done nothing to calm his simmering emotions. If anything it had just made him question his life even more. It appeared that getting tossed off a building was some sort of catalyst for an epiphany now a days. He had spent the whole drive going over his life for the past four years and the only conclusion he could come to was that it sucked. Angelus was just about as riled up as he had ever been as he appeared to be in agreement with Angel's newfound view of his life. Angel had concluded that he didn't understand how he, the Scourge of Europe, had come to be the guard dog of a bunch of rag tag humans.

_"Yeah soul boy how the fuck DID that happen?"_

"Oh shut up," thought Angel.

_"Hey I'm just glad you finally came to the realization that you really are pathetic."_

"Ugh, I think I might actually agree with you."

_"Good, at least you're doing something right and going back home to claim what's ours."_

"I'm not here to cla... And there is no 'ours'. Buffy is mine. She doesn't even like you."

_"Yeah keep telling yourself that soulboy but I'd say that mark on her neck proves otherwise. And cheer up, she likes the fact that we're a vampire; she practically melts when we get all growly and without me you wouldn't even be alive, much less able to growl."_

"Ok fine. I can't really argue with you there," Angel relented.

_"Damn straight."_

"Why are we all of sudden in agreement about all of this?"

_"Maybe because you have finally come around to my way of thinking. You've practically ruined my reputation by running around letting your 'friends' boss you around and acting like a kicked puppy. And you wonder why I'm pissed off all the time? Those humans of yours show us no respect. Not to mention the whole Cordelia affair made me want to stake myself; having to listen to you think about how 'lovely' she is was disgusting. I may like a little something around the hips to grab onto but come on! And you completely fell for her stupid sainthood act!"_

Angel was surprised by his demon's vehemence on the subject.

"What sainthood act?" he questioned.

_"Ugh come on soulboy catch up will you! She was totally playing you! The blonde hair, the training, the 'all for one and one for all' attitude hell the fact that she started wearing Buffy's perfume for Christ sake! Get with the program, she was totally trying to manipulate you into having feelings for her. She's not the selfless, self-sacrificing type; she didn't become half-demon so she could continue to help people, she did it because she didn't want to die."_

Angel was struck dumb with these revelations, because looking back Angel had to agree with his assumptions about the seer. The fact that she slept with his son proved her selfishness and disregard for anyone's feelings but her own.

Angel was becoming more angry and upset by the mile. He honestly couldn't refute any of Angelus's statements. Everything he had said about Cordy was true. What the hell had he been doing for the last couple of years?

"Well if you've got so much to say and I'm obviously so blind, why don't you tell me what you think about the rest of them." Angel was now legitimately curious about the demon's point of view. He was so used to repressing the demon that it was refreshing to not have to work to ignore his snide comments.

_"Well for starters, the lot of them have absolutely no clue who they are dealing with. You've let them treat you like their bitch for years. You practically groveled for months to get back in their good graces after the whole Darla episode, and for what? Its not like we need them, they are the ones who need us. You've been playing by all the pathetic human rules for so long that they've forgotten that you are a VAMPIRE! And of course when you stepped over that line they had drawn in the sand for you and went after Darla and Dru they made you feel guilty about it for fucking forever! It was our right to punish them however we see fit! We're the Master of one of the purest and most powerful vampire clans in the world and it was about damn time we started acting like it!"_

_"And after that little scenario, you decided to take orders from Wesley for Christ sake! The watcher extraordinaire who can't manage to translate anything right and took it upon himself to STEAL our kid and then let him get taken by one of our greatest enemies."_

"Okay, okay. I get the picture. I think you're getting yourself a little worked up."

_"Humph whatever soulboy. Just use your head for a change and quit looking at our life through rose colored glasses."_

That was exactly what Angel did. Why the hell had he let four humans young enough to be his great-great-great grandchildren guilt trip and manipulate him into this position? The only answer he could come up with was that it was easier to let them have their way than to try and get them to accept him for what he was, which is a vampire. The things that he had allowed the AI crew to do to him were humiliating to dwell upon for any self-respecting vampire. Angel realized that he had changed almost everything about himself to please the humans that were supposed to be working FOR him.

_"Yeah for God sake you drink your blood out of a mug with a happy face on it! What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

Angel cringed at Angelus's shouted pronouncement.

Since moving to L.A. Angel had changed just about everything about himself to please the humans around him. Cordelia has been the main driving force behind most of these changes. His clothes, his feeding habits, his bedtime were all altered to her specifications. From the moment he had given her the job Cordelia had been subtly controlling his life. It had started because he depended on her for her visions but he didn't remember when he apparently gave her free reign over his life. He got up during the day so that she wouldn't be inconvenienced at night, he changed his wardrobe because she said he was too "intimidating" to the paying customers, and he never wore his game face around her or the gang because it freaked them out.

_"Don't forget the fact that you had to buy her a whole new wardrobe as a form of apology. Yeah that's some friendship! I think I'd take Spike over her and that's really saying something."_

And she wasn't the only one! He had bowed to Wesley and Gunn's orders for months after the Darla incident just to get back into their good graces. He had never in his life, vampire or human, clamored for someone's approval. He had never even bowed to his own Da's demands as a young man and yet he took orders from Wesley for months like some idiotic fledgling. The entire Fang Gang had been just expecting him to play by their rules for far too long. He was sick of bowing to everyone else.

_"They are supposed to be bowing before us remember. We are the alpha, the Master. It's about time they started showing us some fucking respect!"_

What if he was sick of always being the one to save their asses? What if he wanted to let someone else be the hero for a change, huh? What if he was tired of always being the strong one, the one who had to make all the hard choices?

_"Well duh that's why we are here remember."_

"That's right, Buffy will know what to do, she should understand better than anyone."

By this time Angel had pulled the car up to the curb outside the gates to Restfield cemetery. Angel knew to the depths of his soul that this is where he would find Buffy. That ever-present tingle that signified her presence was buzzing and becoming a roar in his ears. He quickly began to make his way towards her through the multitude of different shaped headstones and crypts.

_"There sure were some good memories made in this cemetery_," commented Angelus.

"Good memories for me maybe," stated Angel, as his mind flashed back to the seemingly endless kissing under the stars that he and Buffy used to pass off as patrol.

"Your only memories here are of her kicking your ass."

_"Yeah whatever. It was totally foreplay."_

Angel froze as he heard the sounds of a brutal fight. As he rounded the corner of a crypt he got an eyeful of his slayer easily taking down the group of five vampires that were surrounding her.

_"Damn I missed watching this."_

"Yeah you're telling me."

TBC

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	3. Damn, I missed this

_"See Soul-Boy, that is what a mate should be. Sexy, strong, worthy of being called an equal to us. Pure poetry in motion and all for us...At least if you don't screw it up for us again this time with talks of pic nicks, sunlight and babies."_

"OK, Angel thought, she deserves those things, and you know it even if you don't want to admit it. She deserves normal, and she won't ever get that with me."

_"Damn Soul-Boy, you are more stupid than I thought. Answer me this, you think she deserves all that, the one person that you say you love more than anyone else in the world right? Did you ever ask her what SHE wanted? Did you ever think that even if both of you wanted that, it's not gonna happen! She is the slayer, she lives in darkness, Hell her power is rooted in darkness you dumb ass! Lets face it, since you left her, her life went to shit and you know it. That's why you didn't call her, or check on her, because you knew that you might be wrong about how much better she would be without you, so you lived in denial. Not to mention anytime you would think about her, the Seer Bitch would start on you, complaining about how much she screwed up your life, and how the curse was still in effect and that could mean that I would be released if you saw her. Face it, dear, sweet Cordy played on your ever present guilt to get you to cave, and it worked every time. Hell the others were no better about it either. Face it, you turned into their bitch. Lets do a quick recap on our Mates life since you decided to leave her for her own good shall we. She went to college, heart broken, which made her easy prey for punks like that Parker. She was used and tossed aside like trash. Then of course their was Captin Cardboard, Riley Finn, Teachers Aid by day and demon hunter by night. And what happened there, OH YEAH, He couldn't handle a strong women, and when he got off the steroids, he was always bitching and moaning, always the insecure boy, trying to make her change who she is to suit his needs. She had to lower her self down to appease the fool. And guess what dumb ass, it still didn't work. He hated we had something with her he didn't have, hated that she wears our mark. Always on her case about being with us before, about how sick it was and then, what does he do...HE goes to a vamp whore house to get his blood sucked. And if that wasn't bad enough, he blamed her for it, then gives her an ultimatum, and when she doesn't bend to his will, he leaves her. Hummm what happened after that, OH YEAH, she ends up dealing with a sick mother, a bratty kid sister that isn't even really her sister, but a key. Her mother dies, and when you finally show up, and you said you would stay as long as she needed you, once again she asked for forever and once again, YOU LEFT HER! Lets see what happened after that, OH YEAH, she had to face a HELL GOD with only her Scoobies and an obsessive Spike as back up. She fought for her life and everyone Else's, and guess what dumb ass, SHE FUCKING DIED! And where you, in another damn dimension to rescue Cordy, who didn't even need help. But wait, that's not all, Oh no, her very bestest friends couldn't let it go, they went and resurrected her and the fools left her there. She had to crawl her way out of her own grave, and not ten minutes later, she had to fight off a dozen or so Hellions on her own. She was pulled out of heaven for gods sake, and all of her friends were just so fucking proud of what they did. Oh wait, there's more, when you see her, you know something is wrong, she tells you about Heaven, you notice she is depressed and clearly not wanting to be back here, but ONCE AGAIN, you see her, tell her you love her, and leave as always. Honestly Soul-Boy, its no wonder she took up with Spike. She felt just like you did during the whole Darla fiasco, and went through a self destructive faze from Hell. Though speaking of Spike, he needs his ass kicked for daring to touch whats ours. Tell me Soul-Boy, does that sound like she had the happy life you wanted for her?_

"OK, I get it, I screwed up, I KNOW I did, but not anymore. I'm gonna find a way to take whats mine, and bring her back with me. I'll talk to her, get her to come back to LA with us, hopefully we will defeat the Beast and then we'll come back here, defeat the new big bad here, TOGETHER, where we belong."

_"OHHHHH this could be fun, I can't wait till the Seer finds out that you got Buff with you. That bitch will flip. The question is Soul-Boy, when she goes off on Buff, like you know she will about how she doesn't belong there, and how you two are in love, are you gonna let her get away with it like you always do when she runs her mouth about our Mate, or are you gonna finally, FINALLY put her in her place?"_

Angel grinned, "Oh, don't worry about that, as much as I hate to admit it, you're right, Ive let Cordy get away with way to fucking much, and I'll be damned if I let her try to manipulate me or trash talk Buffy anymore." The same goes for any of them. They have no idea how lucky they were that I was able to control my temper when I heard them mocking Buffy and me the day I went to see her after she came back, like it was some kind of fucking joke, as if any of them have even the slightest idea what she means to me...no, I'm done being their lap dog."

_"Good, lets go get out mate then!"_


	4. A long talk

As Buffy finished off the five vamps with ease, I couldnt help but clap. It had been too damn long since I had seen this. It's amazing in a way, now that Im here, and I see here, I wonder how the hell I went so long without thinking about her, much less seeing her.

Buffy sensed him before he made his apprence known. That tingle she gets in the base of her spine and the sence of warmth in her very soul let her know he was near. She did have to admit though she was suprised. She hadnt seen Angel since they met after her return from the grave. Added to that, she heard through the demonic channels that he had fallen for..ugh..Cordelia, his resident seer. He had told her many times before that she had changed, that she wasnt the same shallow girl that she use to be, but she knew better. Cordelia had always been a bitch, and had always wanted Angel. She wormed her way into his life and got to stay there, seeing him everyday while she was left behind, unwelcome in his new life. It really bothered her that all the excuses Angel had given her about him not being able to give her the things she needed or deserved didnt seem to matter where Cordy was concerned. She was human too, but he didn't have a problem being with her. It hurt like hell. Oh, who was she kidding, alot of things hurt these days and she was on her last reserves of patience when it came to alot of things. Her friends, Watcher and those loud mouth potientials were driving her crazy.  
"Might as well get it over with" she thought.

She turned around and couldnt help but gasp as she laid eyes on him. True he was covered in bruses and blood, but to her, he was still beautiful. Before she knew it, Angel had wraped her in a bone crushing hug like he hadnt in a while, before pulling back and kissing her like his life depended on it.

"Angel, what are you doing here? My god, what happend to you?"  
"I had to get away, I needed to see you. I, well I just really needed to talk to you. I think you are probally the only one who will understand." Alot has happend lately and well I've come to some conclusions."  
"Um, well my house is kinda crowded right now so no chance of privacy there...How about the mansion?"  
"That works, come on...there is alot to discuss."

They made their way to the mansion in silence, each sneaking glances at the other when they thought the other wasnt looking. When they arrived, Angel lit a fire and settled on the couch with her.

"Ok, whats going on Angel, you look like hell...no offence."

"Ok, um..well there is a new player in town in LA. We call it the Beast. Its, so far impossible to kill. Their was raining fire, death and destruction everywhere...it's a real mess to put it lightly." "Though thats not all I wanted to talk to you about. Please listen to what I have to tell you before you talk, ok?" "You know about conner right?"  
"Well, Ok...For a while I thought I was falling for Cordy...but some things happend recently that made me realize just how foolish I was to even contomplate that. She at one point was made a Higher Being, and then she came back with no memory of her life or anything until Lorne did a spell on her to help her regain them. When we finally talked, she told me that she loved me, but that she knew what I did as Angelus. I told her I never tried to hide what I did, but she said that she actually saw everything he did, felt how he felt, the joy and pleasure he got from it all, and because of that she could never be with me. I'll admit, at the time it hurt. WHat is worse is that a few hours after that I was out side and I looked through a window and saw her and MY SON having sex. MY SON! It was the ultimate act of betrayel. It showed me that everything I thought I knew about her was a lie. What ever her feelings were, if they were there at all, were negligible. After the fight with the Beast, I just got in the car and drove here, thinking. And, odd as it sounds, Angelus is the one who made me realize alot of things in my life. Buffy, since I left Sunnydale, I've been going down hill. He made me realize, or more so, face what I already knew. My life is a fucken joke now. Im not a Champion, Im falling apart and have been since I left you. All I wanted to do was make you proud of me like I am of you. My redemption was for you and I seemed to have lost track of that. I've had to change almost everything about my self to appease everyone else. I make rediculous jokes, act out, put on a smiley face for everyone there. My wardrobe has been changed, my sleeping hours, everything, and I, well, Angelus and I realized that most of that is Cordys fought. They all seem to forget IM a Vampire, not human, and anytime I get close to crossing the line they drew for me, I get guilt trips, and end up paying for it forever it seems. I'll admit I went a little crazy with the whole Darla thing, and I fired them, but it was for their own good, I wanted them safe, and at the time I was anything but. Later, when it was over, I ended up having to grovel for months, buy Cordy a new wardrobe because she said I OWED her, and ended up working for them, instead of them for me like it was suppose to be. Hell Wes stole my son, and gave him to my worst enemy, and still IM the one who is suppose to conform to their standerds...It's not right and Im sick of it. 


	5. Not Taking it Anymore

I couldn't help but feel both horrible for Angel, grateful to Angelus, and angry as hell at the rest of them. He has saved their lives countless times, always going the extra mile, and for what, to be treated like he wasn't good enough. It really pissed me off.

"I'm so sorry Angel. You shouldn't have to deal with that, you don't deserve it."

"You know Angelus is in total agreemeant with me on this, which besides being a little weird, its both comforting and enlightening. He pointed out something I was to blind to see until now..Everyone seemed to be pushing me in Cordy's direction, and I guess it was just easier to go along with it than have to listed to all the crap they throw at me if I didn't. But he made me realize, or at least admit to what I knew deep down already. The whole Cordy thing was complete and utter bull shit. He said her saint act was just that, an act. That the blond hair, and training, the all for one and one for all attitude, wearing the perfume that you wear, and the fact she became half demon wasn't because she wanted to help, she did it because she didn't want to die and earn some sympathy voted from it too. Her actions prove she is still the same self absorbed bitch she always was.

"My life is a joke, wallowing and groveling to people who are young enough to be my great, great, great grandchildren, working for the man whole stole my son, Listening to Cordy run her mouth like she is the boss of me, and lets not forget fucking my son, who just a few months ago had been was wearing diapers. And you know what the worst part is that she came into my room to lecture me, told me to get over it. YEAH RIGHT! Hell if it wasn't for me they would not even have jobs. I gave them somewhere to belong, I accepted that Gunn is always torn between wanting to kill me and help me, I took punishmeant that i didn't deserve. Hell if it wasn't for me, Cordy would have been dead already. It was because I was a vamp that I could save her, that I had the strength to do so. It's like as long as I'm saving the day, being a vamp is a good thing, but any other...well they want to forget that part of me and expect me to forget too. I'm sick of it Buffy, sick of all of it. I'm tired of falling over my self to be what they want. I guess a part of me was hoping that maybe, just maybe one of them would see through the act, but they don't. You are the only one who understands, the only one who knew that to accept me you had to accept my demon too. I never had to hold back with you, I didn't have to pretend to be someone else to get your approval, and...and I need that. I need you Buffy. You're the only one who can help me."

I couldn't help but feel awful about all of this, Just seeing how lost and alone he felt, I felt like my heart was being ripped out. They had no idea how lucky they were that they got to have him with them every day. I would have given anything to be there, and they were taking him for granted. I reached over to him and hugged him tightly before kissing him like I've wanted to for far too long.

"Angel, you NEVER have to hide who you are from me, I love all of you, I always have. I just thought you had moved on with your life...left me in behind, in the past, like I no longer mattered. And while I wanted, more than anything for you to finally be happy, I couldn't help but be hurt that it wasn't with me." " I could feel you still, and could tell that you were slipping, but when ever I called to check on you, Cordy answered...when I asked about you she made it perfectly clear that you were just fine and didn't need nor want the drama that came with Hurricane Buffy, and if I really cared, I would leave you alone since you were moving on."

_'That BITCH! See I told ya Soul-Boy...she was totally playing you..keeping us apart from our Mate! And another thing, she can feel your pain..why dont you focus on her a minute, cause she is close to the edge her self and Ill bet you anything her 'friends' are the problem."_

"Buffy, I swear, I had no idea you called, I swear I didn't. It would have helped so much just to talk to you. I knew that even though you would likely be angry about the whole Darla thing, that you would at least listen and not judge me like they did."

"Buffy, whats going on with you? I can feel you, just like you can feel me and right now you are just raidating anger, loss, resentment and pain. Please, let me help you."

As I looked into his soulful brown eyes, I could see he meant it, and I have to agree with him. I am falling apart, and have basically noone to help me without harsh judgements and finger pointing about everything they think I'm doing wrong.

Well, you know I died, and well honestly, when the time came, I was ready for it...embraced it even. I looked at Dawn and while I knew she wasnt really my sister, I just couldn't let her die. I couldn't kill someone else I loved, not even for the world. I wanted her to be able to have the life I never got. One not faced with demons and death every night. I wanted her to have a chance to grow, learn and love and be loved in return. I was just so weary, so damn tired of always being the strong one. I was always the one they demanded to fix everything, and always the first one they blamed things on when things went to hell. They always just expected me to move on, like, Oh gee Buff, Angel went bad, you will just have to kill him now, and when I did, and ran away..after I came back they condemned me for needing time. It was like, sorry Buff, you had to kill the love of your life, but it will get better...Look Scott likes you, go out with him, or sorry that didn't work out, you'll get over it. And when they found out you were back, they all got on my case, making me feel guilty. When you were poisoned, it was, well one less demon in the world, and they just couldn't understand why I saved you. After you left it was, It's for the best Buffy...Look Parker likes you, and they pushed and I went out with him, and was used and tossed aside. Willow practically pushed me into Riley's arms, thinking he was perfect for me, and how good it was that I was over you. That went to hell. When he left me, after spending time with Vamp whores, it was my fault because I didn't give him enough. Or when mom got sick, I was the one who had to be strong for them. Gee sorry the love of your life left you, and yeah you got used, but then you screwed up with Riley and he left you too. Yeah your mom is sick and Dawn is acting like a brat, but you have a sacred duty, so you just have to push aside your feelings and get on with it. When she died and I didn't come home after the funeral after being with you, I got lectured about you being there, about how stupid it was for us to be alone together while I should have been home taking care of everything there. Then months later I died and instead of letting me have my gift, which ironically was death, peace in death...they pulled me out of heaven and left me six feet under fucking ground in my coffin to climb my way out, only to be confronted by demons not 10 minutes later, where I had to save their asses again. They all felt like such hero's, saving me from a Hell dimension, and couldn't understand how I wasn't thanking them or wasn't happy about it. Not too long after that, Willow went bad, got hooked on magic's and almost killed Dawn in a car accident because she was high. Tara dumped her because she was getting too addicted to it. I was so lost Angel, so fucking lost. I couldn't feel anything. I had bills on top of bills piling up from moms hospital visits, power bills, phone bills, just everything. My moms estate was good, the house was left to me, as was the life insurance, but since I was dead and they were using the Buffy Bot, no one knew. They took the money, took Dawn on shopping sprees, replaced furniture, and when I came back all the money was almost gone so it was once again up to me to figure it out. Dawn had school, Willow and Tara too, and I was stuck trying to fix everything once again. That is how everything started with Spike. I didn't love him, still don't, but i just NEEDED to feel something, anything. I knew I could take my anger out on him, I didn't care about hurting him, I knew he could handle the physicality of my emotions. Even if all I felt was anger and disgust, it was better than nothing. I just felt like I was falling apart and no one noticed or cared anymore. Finally I tried to end things with him once and for all and he didn't take it well. He, well he tried to..well rape me. "

Angel, hearing that started to growl, his eyes flashing amber at what Spike, his Childe, tried to do to his Mate.

"Angel, I'm ok, he didn't succeed, I promise. But Xander found out and didn't talk to me for weeks after, saying he couldn't believe I could be so stupid to have any kind of relationship with him, that it disgusted him. Not too long after that, Willow and Tara got back together. I had just stopped our newest human big bad, or at least 2 of the 3, when Warren, the third, came to my house with a gun. He started shooting at me and Xander. I got Xander out of the way, but ended up shot in the chest. Tara got shot too and died and when Willow couldn't bring her back, she went off the wagon big time. She started soaking up all the black magic she could and went on a rampage. Well first she came to the hospital and removed the bullet from me, the went nuts. She found warren, had him tied between two trees and flayed him alive, the went out for revenge against Andrew and Jonathan, the other two baddies, who were already in jail. We tried to stop her, but she was too far gone. She tried to kill me, and when Giles showed up with borrowed magic of his own, they fought and she ended up stealing his power too, nearly killing him. The thing was, Giles planned on her doing that. But when she realized what happened she freaked. She felt everything, all the pain in the world, the sorrow and decided that the only way to stop it was to end the world, and she almost succeeded. Xander stopped her believe it or not. After that, Giles took her to England where he knew a coven that could help her. But see, all was forgiven for her. It was her choice to do it and noone hesitated to help her, but when it comes to me or you...they cant condemn us fast enough. Now things are worse than ever.

Angel listened to everything she said torn between absolute fury at all she had been through with no help, not even from him he realized and complete sorrow for her. It wasn't fair, she deserved everything life had to offer and absolute loyalty from her friends and it seems she got nothing. All through her talk she tried to be strong but he could see and feel that she was just hanging on by a thread. He pulled her into another hug and apologised to her over and over about not being there when he needed her. It seems like both their lives were in a steady decline, but he was damn sure going to do something about it now.

"_well Soul-Boy I hate to say I told you so, but, ok no I don't, but I TOLD YOU SO. Her life is utter shit without us and now you cant deny it. Ask your self this, if something happened to you, and only human blood would cure you, do you think your oh so lovely seer would offer her self up to help you? I mean come on, you asked her once, if you lost your soul again, before you even got the question out, she flat out told you she would kill you dead. Do you think Buff would do that? NO, she would do what ever it took to get you back, even if it hurt her, even if I hurt her, she wouldn't give up on you. I may be a demon, but even I know that is love, devotion, absolute, because to kill me, would kill you, and that would kill her too._"

Angel knew he was right, and while he never wanted her to be hurt, he couldnt help but feel gratified.

"Tell me what else is going on Buffy, I know there is more, I can feel it, and its tearing you apart piece by piece.

"Well, the watchers council has been demolished, as have most of the potential slayers and their watchers, Those that haven't have been sent to my house for protection. The first is back and worse than ever. The Bringers have killed some of the girls, and of course I get the blame, cause I cant be everywhere at once, and I, according to them, am not worthy of my calling. There is this one girl, she has been training since she was like 8 or something, so of course she thinks she is better than everyone, me included. It just pisses me off..I mean, I DIED for them, TWICE, and now its like it doesn't even matter. "

Looking at her, he could see she was near tears, and felt, again an overwhelming since of rage. He was here now and he would be damned if they continue to treat her like this. He leaned over and gave her a gentle, but reassuring kiss, one with promise of a better future.

"I have to get back, there is an uber vamp out there and he's looking for blood...he already kicked my ass once, I cant let him beat me again. Will you come with me...I could use your help, and after we beat this thing, everything should quiet down around here and if you want, I'll go to LA with you, help with your Beast problem."

"Not sure your scoobies would want me there...

"I don't care, im sick of listening to the bull shit, I'm the Slayer, and from now on, what I say goes...If any of them have a problem with that, well tough. Though I'm not sure your friends, Cordy in particular would want me there either."

"Right about now I don't care what they say. I'm already expecting a guilt trip for leaving, and for once, im not gonna listen to it. I finally have what I want with me, and I'm not giving it up for anything...that is, I mean...You still my girl?

"ALWAYS."

"Remember, together, we're strong."

_"About damn time Soul-Boy! Ohhhhh I cant wait for the fireworks to start. Tell me, have you noticed the power rolling off of her recently? I think anyone who gets in her way is gonna get their ass handed to them."_

"Come on, time to get back to the house...this might even be fun."

"That's a positively wicked grin on your face love...I like it."

Buffy looked into his eyes, still grinning from ear to ear "Yeah, well like you, I'm tired of the guilt trips and attitude. I'm the Slayer, its time I took control and acted like it."

_"Damn Soul-Boy, this should be good"_


	6. Taking Charge

As they made their way back to Buffy's house, each couldn't help but feel more content than they had in a while. Finally their souls were reunited with their mate, giving them strength to face what was to come. They both knew all hell would likely break loose when Angel showed up, but neither cared. They were ready. When they got there, and through the door, it was exactly what they were expecting.

"Buffy, where the hell have you been...and what is HE doing here?"

"He's here to help, I need all the help I can get with the Turk Han, and after that is done, I'm going back with him to LA to help them with their Apocalypse."

Xander, of course looked pissed. He hated everything to do with Angel, had even before he knew he was a vamp, just cause Angel got the girl he had been lusting after since he laid eyes on her. He never failed to bring up his past, trying to make Buffy feel guilty, blaming both of them for everything that happened when Angelus was set free.

"So what Buff, your gonna abandon us for your un-dead boy toy? What happens if his evil alter ego gets free again...or is it already too late? Is that what you've been doing, getting groiny with him...how do we know that he's not already Angelus, huh? I cant believe you would be so selfish after everything he's done!"

_"That boy is asking for it...he better pray I don't get out cause I could have alot of fun with him...ummmm torture for days on end."_

Angel looked right into Xanders eyes and calmly told him that if he was Angelus, he would already be dead by now. That while he put up with the smart ass comments from him because he didn't want to hurt Buffy by hurting him, but Angelus wouldn't. He wouldn't put up with the constant guilt trips played on Buffy, not the insults to her, the one person in the world he owes more to than anyone else.  
"That goes to all of you...you have no problem pointing out to her what you all perceive to be her mistakes, but at the same time, when the shit hits the fan, you expect, no you demand that she be the one to save the day. You Xander are the worse of them. You wanted her from the moment you saw her, hated me before you even knew what I am, all because I got the girl and you didn't. And god knows you have no problem throwing my past in my face, when you sit there with your arms wrapped around Anya, is it? Or should I call you Anyanka..former vengeance demon, ruled the power of the wish for over 1000 years. That's alot of dead bodies piled up. Much, Much more so than I ever did. The big difference between us, is that I atone for the acts of my demon, acts that I couldn't control because my soul wasn't even in the body, only the demon was. And yet I have my soul stuffed back in and I have to feel the guilt and depression of all the acts committed. Tell me Harris, does your girl even feel the slightest guilt for anything she did? From what I heard, she even got her powers back and went on a massive killing spree, And when Buffy went to take care of her, like you told her to do at one point..A demon is a demon, how it was her job to kill them...you were right there telling her not to. So tell me, what is the difference between her and me, besides the fact I actually atone for sins committed?'

All of the scoobies just stood dumbfounded at what he said because even if they didn't want to admit it, he was right. Buffy looked at her 'friends' and knew that even if they knew it deep down, the would never admit it out loud. Frankly she didn't really care. She needed angel and she was gonna have him, their opinions be damned.

"Alright, I've had it with the constant guilt trips you give me. All of you. You all seem to forget all the things Angel did for each and every one of us. He saved all our lives over and over again, even though you, Xander constantly gave him grief. If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't even be here today. Giles that goes for you too. You had no problem telling the difference between Angel and Angelus until something was taken from all blamed me for setting Angelus free when the only one who knew what would happen, kept it to her self. I'm sorry about Jenny Giles, and so is Angel, but you know that he had nothing to do with it. His soul was gone, and only the demon was there. Angel is not responsible for what happened, yet he still tries to make amends. But oh no, once you lost someone, you decided Angel was as much to blame as Angelus, and treated him like shit, and still he helped us. Willow, you started dating OZ, who was a wear wolf 3 nights a month, but did you ever hear me say anything bad about him? No you didn't, because he is a good guy, and I know the difference in the man and the monster. Xander, you date Anya, who has killed many more than Angelus ever did, and yet even after she went back to her demon days, you still didn't think she deserved to die. Double standard much? Willow, you went evil, you killed a man, tried to kill two more, tried to kill me, Giles and end the world, and yet still, we forgave you. All of you thought it was best that he leave, you practically ran him out of town, when he was the only one who completely understood me, who stayed by my side no matter what. You didn't care how much it hurt me as long as you got what you wanted. Well it stops now.

"Here is the deal people, Angel and I will take care of the Turk Han, and while the First is licking its wounds, Im going to LA. They have no sun, it's raining fire and a stone, practically unkillible beast is running free. Im going to help, and when its over, WE will be back to deal with the first. Now, everyone load up on weapons, it should be here soon."

"Yeah, ok, and how exactly do you plan on killing it..last time you faced it, you got your ass kicked, remember. Seems to me your too busy with your undead lover to face facts...you just aren't strong enough, not good enough to get the job done, and everyone here knows it."

Buffy and Angel looked at Kennedy, her smug smile plastered on her face. She loved taking the Slayer down a few pegs. In her opinion, she didn't deserve being a Slayer.

"You think you could do better? Your not a slayer Kennedy, your a wanna be, a could be potential at best. One round with this thing and it will kill you before you could even blink...but hey, if you think your hot shit, go for it..Angel and I will stand back and watch." You need to remember little girl, you were sent here for protection, MY protection. Right now I could take you on while blind folded and not break a sweat. So you do your damn job, and keep your mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you. Now, everyone load up, it's almost time.

"Willow, Angel, come with me please."

They walked into the kitchen where they had a little privacy.

"Will, I know you don't like to have alot to do with magic these days, but I need you to set a barrier around the house. It doesn't have to last long. Once the vamp shows up, I'm gonna start sending the girls out the back door to the construction site. Once there, I want them on the structure out of the way. Angel and I will be down below with out new friend, hopefully kicking ass. Can you do it?"

"Yeah, no problem. And Buffy, Angel, I'm sorry."

Once everyone was loaded up, and Willow was ready for her spell, Xander and the other adults were filled in on the plan so they were ready to move the girls. Not two minutes later, the door burst in and there stood the Turk Han. The adults started moving the girls out as Will held the barrier. Once it started failing, they ran. When everyone was on the site, Buffy and Angel were down below, fighting a hell of a battle. Punches and kicks were thrown, each side taking a beating when Angel shot it with a arrow as Buffy climbed the site like a spider monkey. When the vamp followed, they fought hard before the Turk Han grabbed her in a body lock. She managed to get the arrow out and stab it through the Turk's eye, causing it to fall from the landing where Angel was waiting. He threw Buffy an end of a steel cable as he held the other and together they used it to decapitate the Turk Han. All the others looked on in stunned disbelief before clapping.

"See, dust, just like the rest. I don't know whats coming next, but I do know it's going to be just like this...Hard, and painful, but if we work together, I know we'll make it. Here endith the lesson. Everybody get home, assignments will be passed out, and you WILL do them."

Angel walked forward and kissed Buffy hard before taking her hand and heading back home.

_"See Soul-Boy, that is a kick ass women...I love it when she takes charge. Now if you would just do that with your bunch of white hats, we might get some where."_

Once back at the house Buffy handed out assignments.

"Giles, Dawn, Willow, research, find me what ever you can on the First or any more new players he has. Xander, Anya, weapons, make stakes, sharpen swords, daggers, anything you can find. Spike, I need you to train the girls. Girls you will listen to him, he has alot of experience, and you all need to learn everything you can, I don't care how long you say you've been training. When I call for updates or come back and I find out any of you are not doing as you are instructed, I'll take you on my self." "Remember, the First will try to manipulate you, It can take on the forms of anyone dead, though staying dead is not required since it can turn into me. The First is non corporeal, it cant touch or be touched by anything, so keep an eye out. If you have to, touch everyone here often to make sure. Now Angel and I have to go to LA and stop another Apocalypse there, then we will be back. Get to work. Giles, I'll call often for updates."

Once Buffy packed her bags, they were off to LA and what HELL awaits them there.


	7. More Drama

Since it was late when they left, they didnt have to hurry back, which was a good thing. Neither of them wanted to deal with what was going to happen. It was a given that some, or atleast Cordy and most likely Conner would have a problem with her there. Though now it didnt seem so bad, she had Angel, he had told her all that was going on, so hopefully there would be few major suprises.  
"Angel, are you awake enough to drive, cause Im tired as hell, and I have a feeling Im going to need all the rest I can get before we get there. If Im cranky then the barbs that Cordy will be throwing at me could cause me to react violently.?  
Angel just smiled, and with a quick kiss, he told her to rest, but not to worry, if Cordy ran her mouth, he would handle it.  
"I promise love, if she starts running her mouth like she usually does, which she expects to get away with, I have no problem telling her what I think."  
_"It's about time soul-boy, you let that bitch get away with way the hell too much. I wonder how the rest of the idoits would feel about the fact she fucked our son?_  
"Well, we're not gonna tell them yet, consider that out secret weapon for when she gets too mouthy."

Two hours later they arrived in LA. It looked just like It did, completely dark, Vamps and demons running wild, the devils plaground. Buffy woke just as we were pulling into the underground parking lot.  
He leaned over and kissed her sweetly, asking her if she was ready for this.  
Hell yeah, lets get started.

They exited the vehicle, Angel carring her bags, as they walked into the hotel to find it in utter chaos. They stopped in the shadows to listen to the bickering going on, Cordy being the loudest ofcourse.

"I swear when he gets here I'm giving him a piece of my mind! How could he just leave like this?"  
Wes ofcourse trying to be the voice of reason, "Cordelia, did you stop and think that maybe he was hurt and had to find a place to hide until he had the strength to come back?"

"_Oh yeah, good ole Wes, while even I admit he is better now that the sissy ass man he was when he first started working here, he still needs to grow a backbone when it comes to working with that bitch. Hell its no wonder she thinks the world revolves around her, NOONE has ever bothered to stand up to her, not even you soul-boy. She talked about our mate like she was nothing, like all the problems you had were all because of her, and yet when ever Buff said anything remotely bad about her, what did you do, Oh yeah, you went on and on about how much she changed, how she was your best friend, blah, blah, blah. That better change."_

"Dont worry, It definately will."

"Yeah right, then how come his car is gone genius? He left, and he is sooo gonna get it when he gets back."

"And what is it exactly am I suppose to get when I get here Cordelia?"

All of the Fang Gang turned around noticing Angel and Buffy standing there, hard expressions on their faces.  
Cordelia marched right up to him, getting in his face before poking him in the chest, starting her lecture.  
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, HUH? WHAT YOU JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD LEAVE US TO GO GALAVENTING OFF, LEAVING US TO CLEAN UP THE MESS DID YOU? WELL LET ME TELL YOU BUDDY...OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE? LIKE WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH OUT YOU BRINGING LITTLE MISS SLAYS ALOT TOO. YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT WHERE SHE GOES TROUBLE FOLLOWS...HURRICANE BUFFY, LIKE I'VE ALWAYS SAID, AND YOU HAD TO BRING HER HERE."  
She turned her attention to Buffy, again poking her finger in her face. "I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY TO HIM TO GET HIM TO COME TO YOU OR TO BRING YOU BACK, BUT WE DONT NEED YOU HERE. YOU DONT BELONG HERE. YOU ARE NOT IN ANGELS LIFE ANYMORE, WE WERE GETTING ALONG JUST FINE WITH OUT YOU, BETTER EVEN, WE'VE BEEN CLOSER THAN EVER AND YOU JUST COULDNT STAND IT, COULD YOU? POOR LITTLE BUFFY, NOT THE CENTER OF ANGELS WORLD ANYMORE...MY GOD WHY DONT YOU JUST GET OVER IT AND GO BACK TO SUNNY HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!"

_She's pushing it soul-boy, I say we let Buff loose and let her have at it."_

Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne had all noticed that Angel was holding Buffy back, his arms wrapped around her chest, and it was quite frankly taking all his strength to do it. Though they knew she was out spoken and really lacked tact, they still couldnt believe how she was acting to the Slayer.

"AND ANOTHER THING, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALSE IN HERE AND TAKE OVER, AND TRY TO TAKE WHAT'S MINE..  
Finally Angel had enough. He glaired at the seer, eyes flashing amber as he let loose a growel.

CORDELIA! SHUT UP! I had a few epiphanies, and went to Sunnydale to get Buffy because I NEEDED HER!" "Lets face it people, we need all the help we can get, and who better the the strongest Slayer to ever live. I also brought her here because I needed someone who understands me, all of me, and she is the only person who ever has. She's here and she is staying, if any of you have a problem with that, then leave."

"What do you mean she is the only one who understands you, I understand you, I'm your best friend, I've been here for you while she hasnt. I thought we shared something special."

Angel just looked at her with a hard, unreadable look.

"Well, I for one am glad you brought her...It's nice to see you again Buffy."  
"You too Wes."  
"Buffy, I would like you to meet Gunn, his girlfriend Fred, Conner, and Lorne...Everyone, this is Buffy Summers, the Slayer."

Everyone gave their greetings, hand shakes and hugs before settling down on the couch in the lobby.  
"SO whats happend while I've been gone..we would have been here sooner, but there is another Apocalypse brewing in Sunnydale and we needed to get rid of one of the players before we could leave.  
Wes cleared his throat before starting. "Um, well we had another run in with the Beast and he said something interesting. He said that he had already told you before that you need not be enemies, he called you Angelus."

"I've never met the Beast, im sure Id remember that."  
"Well, thats the thing, all of the knowledge of he beast has been removed from this dimension, and we thought, well, hoped really that Angelus might know something."

"NO!" Buffy and Angel bogth yelled.  
"We are not bringing Angelus out again. He is dangerous, and vindictive and you have nothing to offer him to get him to tell you anything anyways."  
Cordelia was glaring daggers at Buffy during her rant.  
"Look, BUFFY, you dont belong here, so you have no say in what we do. So why dont you just keep your opinions to your self. If we need Angelus, then we will have ANgelus, and you cant stop us."  
Now Angel was getting pissed, not only was she being a bitch to Buffy, but she's basically saying they were going to take his soul wether he wanted it or not.  
"And how do you expect to do that COrdy? And who says I have no say? Its my body, my fucking soul your messing with, and none of you give a shit do you?"  
"Ofcourse we care Angel. We love you, you know that. I know that you are afraid of hurting someone, but we'll take all the precautions we can. As far as loosing your soul goes...well you know it only takes one moment of happiness and I know that I can give you that."  
_"Oh sweet jesus soul boy I think im gonna vomit. This is such bullshit. While I enjoy the thought of being out again, I also know that if I get loose, its gonna be Buffy who will have to stop me, and I dont want that. Tell you what, you and Buffy make with the happy, I'll be free, well ok, locked in a cage, but free kinda, I get to tell them off, exactly what I think of them, and then Ill tell Buffy how to handle the beast."_  
"YOU? You think you could give me perfect happiness Cordy? Tell me, why would you even think I would want that from you of all people. The only person who could ever give me perfect happiness is Buffy."  
"WHAT?" "you and Buffy havent even spoken in like months and now all of a sudden she is everything you want again." "WHat did she do, put a spell on you or something?" "You cant even really be with her because of the curse, and I KNOW that you have feelings for me, that you wanted to be with me."  
"Oh yeah Cordy, I have feelings for you alright."  
Cordy smiled sumgly at Buffy thinking she had won.  
"I feel utter discust, distrust, anger, lothing, just about every negetaive feeling possible right about now."  
By now everyone was watching with interest on what was going on, not understanding how Angel could be so mean to Cordy. They all though that he had feelings for her too.  
Wes looked at Angel closely, "Why do you say that Angel? I mean, well, we all thought...  
"Yeah I know what everyone thought, and you were all wrong. Even I thought that at some point I had feelings for her, but after taking a look at my life, and the utter joke it's turned out to be, I realized alot of things. One of them is that Cordy is still the same self absorbed, self centered bitch she always was. She's a liar, plain and simple, and I dont truse her."  
"Angel how could you say that? THis is all BUffys faught, when she leaves again, you'll see, we belong together."  
"Yeah, just like two nights ago you belonged to Conner right? Whats wrong Cordy, couldnt get into my pants so you went for my son! Someone who, just a few months ago diapers you were changing, and now that he's all grown up, you decided to take him out for a test drive?"  
Everyone was looking at Cordy with confusion and discust on their faces at what they were finally understanding. Fred looked at her like she never saw her before.  
"How, how could you sleep with conner? How can you claim to love Angel, want to be with him, when you were just with his son?"  
"Well, I think we could all use a break tonight. We shall continue the discussion about Angelus in the morning.


End file.
